God’s Word in Our Anxiety

A prayer of Walter Brueggemann, from his book, Prayers for a Privileged People

On reading 1 Kings 2:1-9

The promises roll of your lips
and into our ears:
I will be with you;
I will love you faithfully;
I will be your God;
My covenant is forever.

We count on your words that flow from our ears
to our hearts, and we are glad.

But even while we listen,
we live much of our lives underneath the table.
We read these old stories, and
we know about intrigue and fear and
anxiety and near violence
and deception.
We mostly do not act out our violence
but we imagine and ponder and scheme;
and then we, too, must cover up
and the cover-up ferments;
our lives become complex and burdened.

We keep inventing ourselves and our underneath selves turn out
to be less than adequate
and we wish we were other than we are.
We juggle your good purposes and
our hidden yearnings and
try to serve two masters,
try to live two narratives,
try to live two dreams,
and we are weary.

Because we know our hearts of anxiety so well,
we seem fated to disease.
But because we know your heart of fidelity so well,
we know you will defeat our demons
and make us new.

We know about your abiding fidelity in
Jesus of Nazareth.
Give us patience and steadfastness as we
process the ragged edges of our lives.

Amen.

For God and Country: Preparing for CH-BOLC

So after months of waiting, I now find I have so little time. I have just 10 days until I head off for CH-BOLC and it does not seem like it is enough time.

My pile of things to take (according to my packing list) is slowly growing while my pile of library books is slowly shrinking. I have to decide what Bible(s) to take along for devotional while also deciding what book I want to take along to read in those rare free moments.

The hardest part is getting my family ready for my three months of absence. I am asking people to check on them, making up some meals to help out, and preparing the little one for my absence. That has been the hardest part for me. Sophia knows I am leaving for a bit but I don’t think she has fully grasped it. Each morning when I drop her off at school, she hangs onto me and won’t let go. She is afraid I am leaving that day. I promise her that I will be back to pick her up later but it is still hard. We have read some books about military parents leaving and coming back but I almost want to cry while I am reading them. I plan to have a Daddy-Sophia day next Friday where we are going to spend the entire day together having fun. I am planning to come back but it will have to be enough for both of us until I get back.

In the meantime, I am having a “what was I thinking” moment. I have been preparing for this and now that it is here, I am feeling anxious and overwhelmed. In fact, we have one of those little magnets on our refrigerator that let you show your emotion for the moment and it has been on anxious for a few days. I am not sure what I am going to get myself into but it will be interesting. This is a God thing and I know all will be fine but that doesn’t mean I can’t be anxious.

The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:5-7

I have to admit that it is not a fearful anxiousness but a nervous anxiousness – like that first day of school feeling. Will I like my teacher? Will I know anyone in class? Am I ready for this? I am ready for this. It will be an adventure and a time of growth.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. -Philippians 4:13

For God and Country!

I think I’ll go run.